Climbing on the Words

we will see if this works

Posted by Jess at 1:40 PM | 0 comments  

This past weekend I got to catch up with old friends and make some wonderful new ones. When the party ended and the guests were gone, I started thinking about relationships. I have never been good at letting go. I reflect back on the good times shared and expect that there are plenty more to come. But, what if the time and the season have ended? What if my obstinancy to hold on is nothing but an injustice to myself? I love the moments shared and will cherish them, but perhaps it is time to store them away in a precious place and make room for new ones. There are those that will always walk beside me. Kate, she will always be one. She is my heart. There are those that I wish would, but choose not to. So I ache with the pain of letting go, but embrace the new joys that are to come.

Posted by Jess at 7:40 PM | 0 comments  

Hello blog. I should reintroduce myself since I fell off the web. I used to pay tremendous attention to you and apologize for my neglect. Let's get reacquainted. That pict is me by the way. Just in case you forgot.

So....I am still in the same relationship. No casualties or dismemberment to report, so that in itself is a miracle. I am still slightly maudlin and melodramatic. Well, so not much has changed.

Posted by Jess at 3:02 PM | 0 comments  

I have been a very bad blogger.

So since it has been many, many moons since I have blogged I will share some updates.

I am officially in a relationship. I know, coronaries can now be had. I have realized that dating doesn't have to involve so much pressure. I don't have to be perfect or have everything together to let someone in my heart. I mean really, like I will ever have it together. I am only giving partial face coverage here. The poor boy is now in for being the topic of endless diatribes. I must do something to protect his identity. Luckily, he does not have the internet or a computer. Thank the Virgin for that one.



I finally enrolled in French and absolutely love it! I am officially on my way to being a certified Francophile! In my other academic pursuits, I finally embraced the dream and am on my way to switching to International Journalism. I have a few prerequisites to take and my focused path will begin.

Sadly, there will be no more Stud B stories. But, there will be more happier blogs. So here we go!

Posted by Jess at 11:30 AM | 5 comments  

You would have been 27 today. Six years ago I was standing in the sand handing a carefully chosen gift tied with twine with a blue starfish on the top. It was the most precious thing I could give you. My very favorite book with something special underlined on page 44. I gave you my heart that day. We sat on the jetties and welcomed in the fourth. It was by far my best holiday. Six years. 2,191 days ago.

I'd give up every one of them to be back there.

Holidays with fireworks never work out that well for me. I always end up alone or with my quarreling parents, wondering if a day would come when the lit up sky would be enjoyable. I always tell myself that I will make plans and then the holiday creeps up on me and "ugghhhh" here I am. This year the options came a little late (today) and my melancholy has overshadowed any desire to venture out.

Today is your birthday and I wonder how long I will wish for the past and when will I just enjoy the present.

I was always jealous of those big families that actually acknowledged national holidays. They made plans weeks in advance and invited people over. So fun, those obligatory family functions my friend's complained about, I would have died to go to. I know you are choking on my self-pity. Sorry, but it continues.

Does it ever feel like you are playing at life? Trying on aspects that don't fit you. Perhaps, with the right accessories, it will come together and look like it was made for you. I feel like I have been playing dress up in things that are false.

A little girl wearing size 9 heels stumbling around with an empty martini glass and smeared red lipstick. Something is wrong. Things seem to have gone awry. My version of grown up seemed to match the world's: money, success, a great wardrobe, and tons of fabulous friends to pose in pictures. Really, all those things are just about me. How they look on me or around me. What hole they fill in my soul. I didn't have a section of "giving back" in my dream grownup world. I didn't think that happiness would be absent with the presence of all those things.

Now, in your absence, I think the most precious things are the moments, memories, and people in our lives. The fireworks displays with quarreling families, the phone calls from lost friends, and the love in our hearts.

You fit me and you are gone. So, what now?

I will embrace the truth I find in people and places. Put off false things and start planning the next holiday with fireworks now.

Posted by Jess at 10:26 AM | 5 comments